Day 100

I wrote these journal entries in my hospital room. I just survived severe pneumonia and was supposed to continue my chemotherapy, but we found out that it was not working anymore. We were given the options of a different high dose chemotherapy or a new drug for clinical trial. A plan for a future stem cell transplant was also opened up. For the mean time, I was to undergo a stent insertion because my right kidney was enlarged and swollen due to two tumors.

Reading them brings me to tears because I am reminded of my brokenness and of God’s faithfulness. It was a dark, fearful period. I was desperately seeking and begging God. I was spiritually on my knees. A stark contrast to the present! It is supernatural and timely that today, almost exactly a year after, I am celebrating a milestone—Day 100 post stem cell transplant.

Oh, how faithful is our God! He is a way maker, a miracle worker, a promise keeper, a light in the darkness! Recently, I learned that my real battle with cancer is not physical but psychological. Cancer is not going to take me away sooner than when God intends to take me home. God has already numbered my days. I must not let my fears cripple me and my mission. With Jesus, I hope to rise above these fears so I will be able to fulfill what God wants to do in me and through me.